i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
