I think I won the penis lottery.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize