If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it was like eating out sand paper
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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