can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize