Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
