Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
