he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
