Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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