Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize