I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
