Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
