I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
