I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize