I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
