"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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