i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
cat food counts as protein by the way
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
