Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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