The best revenge is premature balding
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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