...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize