I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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