I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
