He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
