Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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