i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
