So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
