I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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