That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He better not be in your backpack
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
