$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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