Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
