There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
