& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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