This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
