I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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