She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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