He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
