Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
