Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
