the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
