she woke up with a sticky ear
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
