It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
