U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
