I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
