love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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