That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
