i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
