i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
