I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
