a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
