I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
