meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
