And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize