final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My dick has a subreddit
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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