can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
