Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
