what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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