ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
