Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
