Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
