i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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