She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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