ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
