I wish life had little blips of pornography
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
