Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
