If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
