What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
