where am i from again
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
