better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
