This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
