Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
