your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
