if you like me you must not know who I am
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
