You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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