Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I love you.
Bad choice
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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