she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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