dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
