Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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