Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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