We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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