I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
