So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
