I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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