Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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