i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize