i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
